Being a parent is one of the most fulfilling experiences a person can
have. There is a natural instinct that seems to come to a new parent,
but there are bits of advice that can help when you are challenged in
the growing up years. The most important thing however, that any parent
can give their child, is a sense of being loved and the most important
thing that any parent can remember is that they don't have to be
infallible to be a "perfect" parent.
How to be a good father
How to be a good mother
Good Parenting Tips
Teaching your child about
Handling your child 's Temper
Express love and affection.
Listen to them
- A gentle cuddle, a little encouragement, appreciation, approval or
even a smile can go a long way to boost the confidence and well-being of
your children. Sadly, many children seek this kind of acceptance from
- Tell them you love them every day.
- Give lots of hugs and some kisses
- Love them unconditionally; don't force them to be who you think they
should be in order to earn your love. Let them know that you will always
love them no matter what.
- Express interest in your children and involve yourself in his and her
- Create an atmosphere in which they can come to you with a problem
however large or small.
Help them feel safe
- Respect their privacy as you would want them to respect yours; for
example, if you teach your child that your room is out of boundaries to
them, respect the same with their room. Allow them to feel that once
they enter their room they can know that no one will look through their
drawers, or read their diary.
- Instill in them, a sense of belonging by displaying individual and
family portraits on the walls of the house.
- Don't argue with your spouse in front of the children. If they are
sleeping, argue quietly. Modern divorce rates have children feeling
insecure and fearful when they hear parents bickering. In addition,
children will learn to argue with each other the same way they hear
their parents argue with each other. Show them that when people
disagree, they can discuss their differences peacefully.
- Avoid favoritism. Surveys have shown that most parents have favorites,
but most children believe they are the favorite. If your children are
quarreling, don't choose sides.
- Give up your vices: gambling, alcohol and drugs can jeopardize your
child's financial security. Smoking almost always introduces health
hazards to your child's environment. Second-hand smoke has been linked
to several respiratory ailments in children. It could also contribute to
the early death of a parent. Alcohol and drugs might also introduce
health hazards or violence to your child's environment.
- Set boundaries such as bedtimes and curfews, so they learn that they
have limitations. By doing so, they actually get a sense of being loved
and cared about by their parents. They might rebel at those boundaries,
but inwardly enjoy knowing that concerned parents love them.
- Encourage responsibility by giving them jobs or "chores" to do and as
a reward for those jobs give them some kind of privilege (money,
extended curfew, extra play time, etc). As "punishment" for not doing
these jobs they have the corresponding privilege revoked. Even the
youngest of children can learn this concept of reward/consequence. As
your child grows, give them more responsibilities and more
rewards/consequences for not completing those responsibilities.
- Teach them what is right and wrong. If you are religious, take them to
the religious institute that you follow. If you are agnostic, teach them
your moral stance things. In either case, don't be hypocritical or be
prepared for your child to point out that you are not "practicing what
- Make sure they have a healthy way of life. Many parents do this the
wrong way. Instead of forcing children to try a child to eat something,
give them a choice between to things. It can push children, especially
pre teens and up, to a very emotional point if you begin to harp for
them to change their eating habits. If they want something unhealthy,
suggest the smaller size. If you know they favorite a certain unhealthy
food at a restaurant, taking them there a lot is not good. And if you
start explainng to the child that it is unhealthy or that they shouldn't
get it... they may take it the wrong way and feel like you are insulting
them. Once this happens they will no longer want to go out to eat with
you and they will feel bad eating around you which could make them want
to sneak and hide junk food from you. When you tell them they can't have
something or shouldn't... it can create one of two things. One, it could
make them want it even more and find out how to get it anyways. Two, it
could make them feel extremely bad and they will go all out with all
unhealthy foods EXCEPT that one which could be worse. When trying to
enforce healthy eating habits, start it at a young age. Giving rewards
of candy to children is great but once htey will get older some feel
they should reward themselves. While they are younger, start them out
with healthier snacks. Instead of chips, try goldfish, grapes, etc. The
eating habits they learn as they are younger are the ones they continue
to have. Also, never make your child finish their plate if they say they
are hungry. This can continue throughout their life causing them to
believe that no matter what portions are on their plate.
- Don't routinely do things for your children that they can learn to do
for themselves. While getting them a glass of water before bed is a nice
way to make them get to sleep faster, don't do it so often that they
come to expect it.
- Model moderation and responsibility when it comes to drinking. Explain
that they will have to wait until they are old enough to enjoy a drink
with friends and talk about the importance of designated drivers.
Failure to discuss these issues early sometimes contributes to sneaking
and dangerous experimentation. Again, don't be hypocritical or your
child will (more than likely) ignore your advice.
Praise your children
- Avoid comparing your children to others, especially siblings. Each
child is individual and unique. Celebrate their differences and instill
in each child the desire to pursue their interests and dreams. Failure
to do so may give your child an inferiority complex, an idea that they
can never be good enough in your eyes.
- Teach your children that it is okay for them to be different and they
do not have to follow the crowd. Teach them right from wrong when then
are young, and they will (more often than not) be able to make their own
decisions, instead of listening to others.
- Remember that your child is not an extension of yourself. Your child
is an individual under your care, not a chance for you to relive your
life through them.
Avoid criticism by focusing on the behavior.
- When your child acts out in a harmful and spiteful manner, tell him or
her that such behavior is unacceptable and suggest alternatives. Avoid
statements such as: "You're bad." "Go away!" etc (as difficult as it may
- Be assertive yet kind when pointing out what they have done wrong. Be
stern, but not cross, when you tell them what you expect.
- Avoid public humiliation. If they misbehave in public, take them
aside, and scold them privately.
- Model the behavior and character you hope your children will adopt and
live by the rules you set. Show them by example in addition to verbal
explanations. Children have a tendency to become what they see and hear
unless they make a conscious and concerted effort to break the mold.
- Enforce rules that apply to every person leading a happy and
productive life. Not just the rules of your ideal person.
- Enforce the same rules all the time, and resist your child's attempts
to manipulate you into making exceptions.
- Control your temper.
- Communicate clearly. Children should be very familiar with the
consequences of their actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure
they understand the reason and the fault, if you cannot articulate the
reason and how they are at fault the punishment will not have the
discouraging effects you desire.
- Life is a great teacher. Don't be too quick to rescue your child from
the results of their own actions if the consequences are not overly
severe. Example: Cutting themselves may hurt, but it's better than
leaving them unaware of why sharp objects should be avoided.
Spend time with each child individually, try to divide your time equally
if you have more than one child.
- Set aside a day to go to a park, theme parks, museum or library
depending on their interests.
- Attend school functions. Do homework with them. Visit their teacher at
open house. Even if it means taking some time away from work. Remember
that children grow fast, and soon will be on their own. Your boss may or
may not remember that you missed that meeting, but your child will most
certainly remember that you didn't attend the play they were in.
Be a role model - Young kids are like sponges. As parents we are our
children's first role model. Pay attention to what you say or do around
them and think about what kind of example you are making.
- Want to teach kids about charity? Get involved and take your kids with
you to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter and help serve up meals.
Explain to them why you do acts of charity so they understand why they
- Teach kids about chores by setting a schedule and having them help you
out. Don't tell your child to do something, but ask for their help. The
earlier they learn to help you, the longer they will be willing to.
- Want your kids to listen to you? Show them you can listen to them.
- If you want your son or daughter to learn to share, set a good example
and share your things with them.
Allow them to experience life for themselves - But don't just lose total
control. Don't make decisions for them all the time, they must learn how
to live with the consequences from the choices they make. After all,
they will have to learn to think for themselves sometime. It's best they
start when you are there to help minimize the negative consequences and
accentuate the positive ones. They need to learn that their own actions
have consequences (good and bad). By doing so, it helps them to become
good decision makers and problem solvers so that they are prepared for
independence and adulthood. Do not miss this crucial step. You must
explain their options, and the consequences of each one, then live with
whatever option they select.
Spend a lot of time with them and love them with all your heart, but
don't smother them. There's a big difference between protecting someone
and imprisoning them.
• If you're trying to quit a habit, look into groups that can help you
overcome it. Always get support, and have someone you can talk to when
you begin to get a craving for your habit. Remember that you're not only
helping yourself, but you're helping your child as well.
• Improve your child's social skills.
• Reflect on your own childhood frequently. Identify the mistakes your
parents made, and make an effort to avoid them. Every generation of
parents gets to make a whole set of new mistakes.
• Encourage introspection by sharing with your children your own
• Address your needs to be loved but value your children's needs over
others. Do not abandon your children for love interests. Make your child
a priority when you are dating, and do not put your child in danger by
introducing someone new into the household that you do not know well.
Children need to feel safe, secure and loved. If you are suddenly
leaving them out and not addressing their needs in order to tend to a
new boyfriend or girlfriend, your children will grow to feel insecure
and abandoned. Love is needed by everyone, but not at the expense of
your child's emotional health. This also applies to older children. A
teen who is getting ready to start their adult life needs the support of
a parent more than ever. Do not think that just because they are almost
18 that you can leave them to figure it all out on their own. Your
children are yours for life.
• Do not be afraid to be a parent. Do your best, be their
friend, but never let them forget you are their parent.
• Parenting does not stop when a child grows up. Being a good parent
remains a life-long role. But remember that once they become adults, the
decisions they make in life are ultimately theirs.
• Do not strictly follow the parental behavioral stereotypes of your
culture, race, ethnic group, family, or other defining factor. Please do
not believe that there is only one way to raise a child.
• Do not force them by beating or hurting them. It will only cause
resentment and make them go against you. Also, you will get arrested and
your child will be placed in foster care. If you have multiple children,
they may be separated.